My mother just bought a $100 Jack Lalanne Power Juicer a few weeks ago, and I assembled it last night. She couldn’t make this easy on me, though, by concocting like, oh, say, a carrot juice, could she? Nooo, mom decides that a mix of Chinese bitter melon, green pepper, apples, and celery would extend my life, raise my IQ, lower my blood pressure, and invigorate me with the urge to return to school to get my jd/phd/md. Foul. Absolutely foul. What’s worse is the aftertaste sticks with you as you’re trying to fall asleep.